She Told JT She Was In DUBAI! (Thanks to Susan F. for spotting this and thinking I would get a kick. Did!)

Hey everyone, and happy Friday!  Heading into a Toronto weekend where the weather will be more like mid-April than early-March, there’s lots to love:

Joan Rivers last night.  What a hot glue gun mess, in a fabulous way.  Somewhere behind all that surgery there is a face, but regardless, Rivers is still en pointe with her delicious brand of humour.  And front row seats!  Two of my guests caught the pots of yellow mums Joan threw out at the end of her set, per long-standing tradition.  My fave joke that nearly made me pee was about how desperate Jennifer Aniston is:”She so desperate she said to the rapist, ‘Will I see you again?’”  Oh!  You can check out my pal and funnyman Richard Ryder’s thoughts on the night here.

Along with the likes of Celine Dion, and Prince William, it has been suggested that I would make a great choice as next Governor General.  Thanks so much!  How flattering!

When I made a ‘rose bud’ joke on the show this week, florist David sent me a bouquet of red and yellow rose buds, and his phone number.  Are we dating now?

You may have noticed the new HIMBO! Book Club feature on here, listing the books I recommend to everyone.  Tony just wrote me this morning of one of picks: ‘Amazing book, The Elegance of the Hedgehog … thanks for that!’  You’re most welcome – scroll down and get reading!

Law Of Attraction.  This week I played a lot with the concept that really nothing – nothing – is worth leaving your alignment for.  When you feel good, you attract more of what you feel good, and conversely when you feel awful negative emotions, you attract more of what makes you feel awful.  So when I’m feeling good I milk it – listing all the reasons and then feeling even better.  And then when a person / event / circumstance comes along that makes me feel any less, this ‘nothing is worth feeling less for’ is the perspective I use so that I don’t feel less than joyful for very long.  And trust me, when it’s a person / event / circumstance that makes you want to fire bullets at it just for the satisfaction of murder, this perspective really helps keep you in alignment so what you desire can flow to you.

Speaking gigs.  Starting to book ‘em!  Giving talks on gay issues, the Law of Attraction, and all the sorts of things I talk about in my daily 4:20s on the show at universities, upcoming Pride celebrations, and the like.  If you’re interested in booking me, leave a message here and I will have my manager contact you

And the Last Word goes to … Abraham!  “Negative emotion means you have departed from who you really are.

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Happy Humping!

My latest Y&R Report Card was published this week on Soaps.com. Who made the grade in Genoa City? Who did not? The drama is ALWAYS on.

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Buyer Beware!

What. A. Week.

Here’s what I’m loving heading into what looks like a proper February weekend here in Toronto – full snowstorm in effect. Ella and I are heading out into it shortly

- Dynasty on DVD.  Read the rest of this entry »

Every Friday Christine Fix from Soaps.com comes to the show and we let loose on All Things Young & Restless.  Thought you’d enjoy a listen!

Y&R

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Phyllis Witnesses Y&R's First Gay Kiss, Wishes For A Shred Of Such Affection From Nick.

Let’s start where all things begin: a gay kiss.

Specifically, that up there is the official first gay kiss ever on The Young & The Restless.  It took place last week between Read the rest of this entry »

And He Is.

Joyeux vendredi!

Here’s what I’m loving as we head into another weekend!

• Beau Kazer is our special guest on the show today, as Fridays are always our Y&R study group.  Brock Reynolds!  Brock Reynolds! Read the rest of this entry »

Let us start out giving praise and thanks.  The new Tucker McCaul – ex-Days Of Our Lives player Stephen Nichols – has arrived.  He has teeth, and everything!  Read the rest of this entry »

Bizzy morning underway – interviewing Adam Lambert in a couple of hours for the show on PROUD FM and OutTV – but there’s always time for our friends in Genoa City.  We’d especially like to focus on Lauren, who is clearly having a midlife fashion crisis of sorts, drawing on both Lady Gaga and Wilma Flintstone for wardrobe inspiration: Read the rest of this entry »

Happy Tuesday! Have you spent much time with our friends in Genoa City?  Lord, how their lives are racing these days! Like a meth-head, day two!  Here’s a little Y&R snack pack for your pleasure. Read the rest of this entry »

Okay, this week sure went by faster than last week, the first workweek of 2010, which seemed endless after a two week Christmas vacation.  Hope yours was groovy – here’s what I’m loving as we head to a well deserved weekend!

• Spring in the city?  Following last weekend’s cold snap, glorious Toronto warms up to plus temps for a few days! Bless!
• I have a new gig: a semi-regular column for Soaps.com on The Young & The Restless.  Read the rest of this entry »

She Must Be On A Cleanse.

Happy weekend as we end the first work week of a new decade!  Here’s what I’m loving as we head there:

• Thank you to Richard Burnett and Hour magazine in Montreal for naming me along with some pretty impressive company on their just-out Hot List this week!
• Like last year, I’m doing a detoxifying cleanse all month.  Read the rest of this entry »

Let Me Put It Like This: I WOULD MAKE A BETTER MALCOLM!

Let’s start in the HIMBO! mailbag, where many have written to denounce the new Malcolm.  “Wanda” says: “I demand to know who’s in charge of casting for Y&R.   The new Malcolm looks (and acts) like a gorilla*. And don’t get me started on Daisy. *PS – Please don’t put use my real name in your blog or TV/radio show, due to possible racist interpretation.”

No problem, Wanda, and I couldn’t agree more, neither could the reader who wrote of “Nu Malcolm”: “Ugh. Make. It. End.”  Indeed.

Here’s what else is up and down in the ups and downs of Y&R of late: Read the rest of this entry »

I Would Totally Work Long Into The Night At Restless Style Just To Get With The Winner Of HIMBO's "Most Humpy" Award. Not. A. Problem.

If you think 2009 was a tough year, try living in Genoa City, or better yet, try watching people living in Genoa City.  HIMBO! is pleased to welcome you to the first of many award ceremonies honouring the best and worst of The Young & The Restless.  (Stick with me, Y&R staffers.  Together we’ll build the perfect soap.)

On with awarding the year gone by!

Best Actor (Male): Read the rest of this entry »

Werk!

Thanking: All those who came out to the launch of the PROUD FM Joy Drive at Woody’s here in Toronto on Saturday night. This year we’re collecting food for the Toronto People With AIDS Foundation’s food bank – details here!

Noticing: Gray nail polish. Hilary Swank and someone on Y&R most recently. I really like it. Sophisticated, soft, unusual. Take it from there, ladies.

Interesting: Being quoted on a press release, only … I didn’t provide that quote for that press release. Or any quote at all. Hmmm … Read the rest of this entry »

Time to check in on Y&R, which is essentially like watching Jerry Springer only the people are rich and beautiful, making their constant base behaviour immediately forgivable and fascinating.

First, a question: Why has Phillip Read the rest of this entry »

TGIF everyone!  Here’s what I’m loving heading into the weekend!

• Good golly, it’s Dolly!  Yes, the legendary Dolly Parton is our special guest Monday on The Shaun Proulx Show! Read the rest of this entry »

New Promo Shot For The Show. Do I Know My Light Or Do I Know My Light?

A mixed bag of bones for you today:

1) Last night I decided to take a sleeping pill, turn off my phone, and hit the hay.  It was just divine.  Except to wake up this morning and find out Patrick had been locked out in the rain – umpteen texts and calls.  I have no idea how or when he got in, given he’s been on-air since 6 a.m. and I didn’t get up until 7. Fun! Read the rest of this entry »

I Love This Pic Because It Reminds Me Of My Crazy Ella When She's Got A Kong In Her Mouth

At last, at last!  Didn’t this seem like a long week?  Here’s what I’m loving heading into this most spooky of weekends!

- Interest from a publisher in a project I’m working on (shhhh!!!) Read the rest of this entry »

Happy Monday indeed!

First off, the sweet relief of it all that Victor Newman is NOT leaving Genoa City!  Palpable!  News out this morning that Eric Braeden has signed a new contract – apparently (according to my sources) the entire haggling was merely over having a fluffer on set.

Of course it only gets better as we move to nighttime TV.  Slowly we’re getting over the idea that Ashley Simpson-Wentz has been fired from Melrose Place (she was so good at quirky-dangerous that we forgave the Saturday Night Live lip synching lie!), because in the end, who cares anyway?  Heather Locklear’s back next month!

Over in the land of radio, look who’s coming on mah show this week: Tegan & Sara, d’bi young (both today), GGT blogger David Ivey (only one of the best writers I’ve read in ages) and goddess Molly Johnson on Wednesday!  Aaack!  On the TV version of the show we’ve got a Halloween spooky episode lined up for Thursday night: Elvira, Mistress of The Dark is our special guest.  And then, because it’s never too early for Christmas (yes it is) The Rockettes drop by the studio in little velvet Santa outfits to teach me how to do a high kick.

Life. Is. Good.

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Photo: Shaun Proulx Media

Late last spring I had the dream come true of a set visit to The Young & The Restless.  My pal Christine Fix from Soaps.com and I flew to L.A. for the Daytime Emmy weekend, and two days before the awards there we were, in Genoa City.

Melody Thomas Scott (Nikki) passed by us in the massive CBS studios, complaining to someone she was exhausted, Sharon Case (Sharon) looked over photos in the makeup room.  Eric Braeden (Victor) shuffled by, hunched over eating a croissant and drinking coffee.  I bumped into Amelia Heinle (Victoria) as she came through a door I was going in.  Michelle Stafford, fresh from back surgery, stood in Crocs and a bathrobe, chatting with some Bold & Beautiful actors from that show’s set, across the hall. And I’m sure neither Christine or I will soon forget the pow-wow on the Abbott couch with Peter Bergman (Jack) as he took a break from studying his lines to tell us all about his love for Toronto and the time he ran into Joni Mitchell at a restaurant in Yorkville.

But on to Jeanne Cooper.  Read the rest of this entry »

"It Was Love, It Was Love, It Was Love ..."

So suddenly it’s 1:00-ish on a Tuesday afternoon, my show starts in two hours and I’m wondering where in hell the long weekend went.

Ah, but what a weekend!  Lots of turkey, lots of sleep, lots of partying, shopping, dining out, kids and dogs, and Patti thinks it’s the ’80’s – oh MY!

And Kylie Minogue to kick things off Friday night.  Holy fucking shit. Read the rest of this entry »

Happy Friday! Here’s what I’m loving as we head into a long (deeeep breath) weekend here in Canada:

- The insanity that was interviewing Carol Channing for the show yesterday. A lot of the funny craziness was while we were off-air with her, but the good news is the OutTV cameras were rolling the whole while, so watch for a visual take on this hot mess of a chat coming to a Thursday night soon!

- Leslie Jordan the day before.  Like the big gay sister I never had.  Giggly, vivacious, Southern, naughty … I couldn’t stop laughing. Read the rest of this entry »

Yep, She Hauled Out This Pic Again. Can You Blame Her?

Was pleased as punch to learn that Michelle Stafford, who plays my Y&R alter-ego Phyllis, is having a baby, via surrogate (so chic), due in December.

As you know, a year ago I myself adopted a baby, Ella, who is a red-headed she-devil.

Coincidence? I think not.

David Guetta Is A 'Sexy Bitch'.

I wasn’t sure whether to discuss this, but given that Buck Angel tweeted about it earlier this week, why not. Buck and I are starting an incredible new project together; we’re meeting in L.A. in a few weeks to roll our sleeves up and get into the dirty work.

Today I CAN tell you about – it’s a motley crue to be sure: Vivica A Fox, Keith Cole, David Guetta, and Christine Fix from Soaps.com. Jim Stone, co-chair of Sunday’s AIDS Walk For Life also joins us for a last minute push to get walkers and sponsors out to support the cause. I know that it’s the queer community these days that seems to be holding back from participating and we’ll discuss the whys of that too. Listen for Mark Wigmore reporting in live from TIFF too!

There’s barely been a ‘mo this week to check on how our celeb friends are doing, so let’s take care of that now, shall we?

Jennifer Aniston has taken to singing in her next random act of terror film. “Is it starting to make sense to you all now?” asked Brad Pitt …

Manolo Blahnik says he’s over having his luxury shoes mentioned in Sex & The City. “It’s not like the bitches who’ll go see the movie can afford them any way,” he scoffed …

Canada’s prima ballerina Karen Kain will be a judge on So You Think You Can Dance Canada. “First Ellen, now THIS?” wailed Paula Abdul, pills spilling from her mouth …

And The Last Word goes to … Whitney Houston! “I didn’t get out of my pyjamas for seven months.”

Patrick, Jack, Tre, Ella, Mum.

Friday on the show we celebrated the animals we love and who love us back, bringing in Ella (r) and Jack. We were going to bring Annie the cat in too, but thought better of it.

Tre Smith from the Toronto Humane Society (where we adopted Ella) came in to chat about his work as an investigator (could NOT do that job), and here we all are together post-interview.

Today on the show I’m excited to chat with Anjulie, whose star is on the rise bigtime, with her album being sold via the all-mighty Starbucks route, and later in the week Dean and Dan Caten (DSquared) join us to celebrate their upcoming star on Canada’s Walk of Fame.

It’s also Back To School Week on the show; we’re prepping for the upcoming fall season.  Derrick Chetty from the Toronto Star came by y-day to talk fall fashion trends for men and women (thigh-high boots for women and (UGH) plaid shirts for me (UGH), motorcycle jackets for both). Today, John Taccone, one of Canada’s top cutters and colourists comes by to tell us WTF we should be doing with our glorious locks this autumn.

Lastly, I didn’t watch the Daytime Emmys on Sunday, but had to love this pic of Stacey Haiduk, who is just killing it as Mary Jane / Patti on Y&R.  Who did she bring as her Emmy date?  Why, Kitty, of course!

P.S.  Got word this a.m. that we’re onto lining up another fun Y&R guest for the show (did you catch Daniel Goddard Friday?) – getting these peeps is harder than you think!  THANK YOU CF!!!

… and it’s Friday, you know we take you to Genoa City today on the show.  Our special guest is Daniel ‘Cane’ Goddard and I’ll ask him what it’s like to play a character for years only to find out he’s not the guy you thought you were playing. And, of course, about all those gays who have popped up in everyone’s favourite fictional Wisconsin city.

Lie All You Want, Lover ...

Some excitement at the top o’ Tuesday!  I have seen a rough edit of the TV version of The Shaun Proulx Show which airs on OutTV soon and it’s looking good!  Also, chatting with Kathy Griffin today on the show, plus later in the week we’ve got a Y&R star joining us, as well as a new cast member from Melrose Place – the rebooted version which premiers next month.  I used to watch that show years ago at my friend Cricket’s place, so we’re reuniting all these years later to catch the re-vamp and see if it’s any good.  Who says you can’t go back?

Meanwhile, Michael Jackson’s death has been rule a homicide.  In related news, Perez Hilton and the entire staff of TMZ just had simultaneous multiple orgasms …

LaToya Jackson has been named a co-host on The View.  ’Keep her and I far apart so viewers don’t get our pulled faces confused,’ ordered Barbara Walters …

Eddie Cibrian, now out of the closet about his adulterous relationship with LeAnn Rimes, has been called a compulsive liar by his ex.  Who cares – LOOK at Eddie Cirbian!  LOOK!

Candy Spelling is getting her own reality show.  ’I haven’t known reality since I married Aaron, so it should be fun!’ she chirped!

And The Last Word goes to … an on-the-run Paul Williams!

‘What happened to the little girl who used to help out at the pie booth every year with Mom at the church bazaar?’

We begin at the beginning, with poor Lady Ashley, who really isn’t doing well.  She thinks she’s still pregnant …

… AND she keeps seeing dead people.  (The actress who plays Sabrina’s gotta be sick of wearing this damn bloodstained dress, P.S.) …

… Meanwhile, upstairs, Adam has his hands full with a smitten kitten called Rafe, as in ‘I wish Adam would rafe me good and hard sometime’ …

… which isn’t too pleasing to Paul’s daughter, Heather, when she gets a note from Nikki spilling all …

Read the rest of this entry »

The D-Lister Gets An A-List Award.

I’ve often wondered as Kathy Griffin’s star rises – awards, endless work, increasing fans, rinse and repeat – how long she can continue to class herself as D-List, the schtick that got her star rising in the first place.

Looks like I’ll get a chance to ask her that – Griffin comes to the show next week.

I haven’t posted here all week – needed to unplug – but have plugged back in and am feeling delicious. FTM porn star Buck Angel is in town shooting this week and is coming on the show this afternoon.  I love him – total personal hero.

A Previous Buck Visit

In the unplugging I did this week, I certainly got well caught up on my beloved Y&R and in the doing I came up with what I think will be the Ultimate Solution on how to post on Y&R, doing it justice without wearing my fingers (and your eyes) out completely from the tonnes of copy required to ’splain exactly WTF has happened in Genoa City.  Because if we’ve learned anything from over two decades of watching, something is ALWAYS happening there.

And in real life, too, she wrote, appreciatively.

When Patti-On-The-Run Finds This Doll In The Garbage, She Stabs It's Eyeballs Out, And Leaves It Outside Pregnant Sharon's Door. It's Discovered By A Horrified Jack. I SO Understand This Woman.

Well.

Certainly there have been days when our friends in Genoa City have left me verklempt with their tales of woe, but yesterday was a doozy.  The scene: Adam’s ugly bedroom.  The bed is unmade and Adam fairly reeks from the stench of his recent sex with Heather, her ‘Curious, by Britney Spears’ perfume lingering in the air.  Rafe has just left, after being dumped by Adam, who now insists he wasn’t really gay, just grateful (we’ve all heard that before).  Victor, who has just been informed by Nikki of the man-on-man tonsil hockey she saw, enters, brooding.

Victor: Hello son

Adam: What’s up?

Victor: (Long pause.) It’s over.

Adam: What is?

Victor: I know what you’ve been hiding, son.

Read the rest of this entry »

This Is Cane And Lily Both Thinking Of Each Other, While Remembering Some Ancient Black And White Movie They Love (Bottom Shot Of Woman With Face Buried In Something).

Time for a reality check!  Let’s go to Genoa City!

Lily’s got the big C, and so the other big C, Cane, is now staying in Genoa City, hiding out at Murphy’s suddenly funky trailer, which has been newly purchased by Cane’s arch-enemy, his former ‘brother’, Billy Abbott, so he can have a place to shag Cybil Mackenzie, the girl everyone in GC looks up to, but shouldn’t.

Not the best idea Cane’s ever had – we would have chosen to hide at a hotel, personally.

Read the rest of this entry »

Tyra Takes A Fashion Risk, Fails. You Can't See, But The Thumbs Are Painted Blue, And That's A Pale Yellow And A Pale Green In The Finger Paints There. To Think Neill Traded Nia Peeples In For This.

If it’s Friday … and it’s Friday! tune into the show today to hear Soaps.com editrix Christine Fix with all the Y&R spoilers for next week you can stand.

Shouts to HIMBO! reader, C. Herlihey, who writes:

What happened to Ashley’s fetus? Where is it?

Read the rest of this entry »

Get Heather Away So The Boys Can Play!

OMG for a gal who was so over Y&R this spring it was hard to blog updates, this show is the shit right now.

Had to love yesterday when Adam hauled out that godforsaken purple dress belonging to the dead Sabrina for Patti to wear to Victor and Ashley’s impromptu wedding, I guess to spook the now-truly-going-nuts-again Ashley.  What else is an in-hiding Patti gonna do but obey her new blind friend and saviour?

Speaking of Victor though, he has had. it. with dead Brad’s bitch daughter Colleen (whom we haven’t seen in ages as the actress was shooting a movie, FYI), so pretty much wants her destroyed and has turned to Laurel and Hardy Gloria and Jeffrey for help, and it looks like Summer is out of her coma albeit with some cognative issues.  

But the true joy of yesterday’s show was when both Heather and Rafe ended up waiting together in Adam’s bedroom for Adam to return, both surely wanting some Newman cock.  Awwwkward!  When Adam sent Heather on her way so he could be alone with Rafe, we were pinching our own nipples in celebration.

Fun letters coming my way too about the gayness permeating GC – here is one from HIMBO! reader Derek, who also listens to the show:

Wow Shaun,

As an As The World Turns fan I have to say I am very much tempted to going back to Y&R lol at least for “the gay factor”.

These stories are good, not cheesy either! Very diverse gay men on the same show at the same time with overlapping issues… now this is true soap opera, and for once without the stereotypes!

We gotta dish the dirt on your SPS Friday Y&R segment

However what irritates me the most is that the STD/HIV scare is talked about with the gays yet there’s a woman named Sharyl or Sharon who seems to sleep around more than some of the diriest men I have seen around Church Street. Yet SHE does not think she needs to think about “safety” or get tested. LOL What kind of message is this ? It would be funny if it was not so sad.

Funny, WE’VE been saying the same thing for ages!  Thanks Derek!

And The Last Word goes to … Patti!  ”Do you think I like sleeping in this potting shed waking up with bugs in my hair?!?!?”

As you may have read, it brought great joy to me to see Phyllis try and smack the mole off of Heather’s face this week when Heather insinuated Phyllis would poison her daughter to get Nick Tree’s attention. Here’s a shot of the delishousness for your eyes to feast on. Like how her father Paul is the worst detective you’d never want to hire, Heather is the worst DA – never right about a single person she’s accused of some heinous crime, ever.  POW!  Felt and looked great.

Nikki still hasn’t told Victor she saw his bastard son lip-locked with Rafe (although WE the viewer didn’t actually see more than hands groping shirt fabric / cut to Nikki’s stunned face), but Victor’s been busy. He’s found out about Patti’s stuffed Kitty, and her Big Book of Hate and tried to exile her to Rio, but Patti’s instead gone to (where else?) the Newman Ranch, after a tearful goodbye to Jack, the ex husband who doesn’t know she’s his ex.  At the Ranch, she meets up with (who else?) an extremely busy Adam, who senses a fellow whack-job despite his bad eye sight and offers to put her up in the old Newman Potting Shed where he can find out more about her, such as why she is carrying around a stuffed cat.

Prior to this, Adam was juggling the hysterical pregnancy of Ashley, hauling in that duplicitous doctor to give a fake ultra-sound.  You can tell deep inside Ashley knows she’s not pregnant and that the fake good news has made her deliriously happy on the surface.  But she starts bitching at Victor and tells him she wants to spend the night alone, so clearly she’s now going down the road to crazy everyone thought she was heading on when back when she wasn’t.

But back to the gay stuff for a second: Phillip not only told Nina he was a fag, but came out to Jill and Katherine, too on Friday’s show.  We love the look on their faces, which totally read: You faked your death for twenty years for THAT?

BTW, we’re so not following the Amber-Kevin-Daniel-Janna-Chipmunk-stolen-art summer story.  Patrick puts it best: It’s like watching a bad episode of Scooby Doo whenever they bumble through their adventures.

Highlight of the week: When Phyllis can’t get in to see her comatose daughter ’cause of her new legal troubles, she asks arch-enemy Sharon to go sing to her in her place.  ”Summer loves the sound of a tenor, please help,” she begs.

And The Last Word goes to … Katherine.  ”For heaven’s sake, we’re not bumpkins, Phillip.  You could have trusted us.”

Photo: David Burn

… how gay you ask?

Gayer than BRUNO these days.

God, throughout the spring the new writers on Y&R put us through such hell with the on-going Katherine or Marge? storyline and the Silver Chipmunk that for the first time in 2+ decades of watching I honestly thought about STOPPING. 

But, as always, it pays to be a loyal Y&R addict.

So let’s start with Sharon’s hair.  HIMBO! reader Nicolle wrote that it had been improved, and Nicolle was right, but really, it was just a clean up of the hot mess that were her extensions anyway, which should have happened ages ago. Zero points.

The character we lovelovelove is Mary Jane Benson, aka Patti Williams, Paul’s sister and Jack’s wife until she tried to kill him.  Loved watching Victor ordering her out of town after he found her dead stuffed kitty and her hit list of ‘enemies’ (really though, who DOESN’T keep such a list?).  LOVE that she decided to stay, packed her stuffed kitty into a pet travel carrying case and took off to what appears to be the Newman Ranch to hide out.  I really understand this woman, and want her cheekbones.

Jack and Ashley were fun together today, if you like blood-related losers, and I do. Jack is being lied to by Sharon that the (HIV-positive?) baby she is carrying is his, when really it’s Nick’s.

LOVE the new Adam.  Seriously.  I want him, the guy who plays Rafe, and the guy who plays the newly revealed gay Phillip Chancellor III (who is also gay in real life) on my show to DISCUSS.  Who WAS that old Adam anyway?  

Cane – wasn’t on the show today, but the actor who plays him, Daniel Goddard, texted me a few minutes ago to say he’s good to chat next week about the twist in the tale that is his storyline with Phillip III right now. I have to say that his Cane is much more interesting now, so I’ll let you know when our chat is set to air.

LOVE too that Phyllis tried to slap the mole right off of Heather’s face (the actress has been bumped to recurring status – TG) when Heather suggested Phyllis tried to deliberately get the now comatose Summer sick to get Nick’s Tree’s attention.  Pow!  (Old episode, but still resonating bigtime).

NOW.

The best part of today’s episode.  TELL ME if this doesn’t ring true in your gay experience (if you’ve been lucky enough to have one) and TELL ME how great it is to even HEAR the word GAY in Genoa City! Progress!

Nikki: I just saw the oddest thing.  I have to tell somebody. PROMISE me you wont’ tell your father and Nicholas.  I was at the ranch getting clothes for Victor, and I couldn’t find them, so I thought maybe Adam would know.  His door to his room was open a little bit – I wasn’t snooping but – I saw something.

Victoria: What. What is it?

Nikki: I saw Rafe and Adam together.  Kissing.

Victoria: Adam and Rafe were kissing?

Nikki: I wouldn’t believe it if I hadn’t seen it with my own eyes.

Victoria: I wouldn’t have thought he was gay. (Gasps, her hand covering her mouth.) Imagine if Dad found out.  

Nikki: Well, your father is all for diversity except when it comes to his own family.

Victoria: I know. He has certain ideals: We have to be strong and successful and at least married with two children.

Nikki: Preferabbly one of them male.

Victoria: And if that boy develops into anything other than Dad’s image …

Nikki: That explains so much about Adam.  He keeps everyone at a distance and doesn’t let any of us get close to him.

Oh.

My.

God.

Real life.

And Nikki is on the verge of outing Adam to Victor!

So delishush!

Due to the freak show that was the Michael Jackson memorial today – and I do mean that, what I saw was just a freak show – Y&R (the real-time version at 12:30) was preempted.

HOWEVER: I can tell you that the REAL reason Phillip III (’cause were we really buying yesterday’s ‘he went to all the trouble to fake his own death and hide out for 20 years because of some teenage RESENTMENT’?) split town in a cloud of death was ’cause he’s gay.

Now that, THAT is worth faking death over.

Although I do like that suddenly Genoa City is the new Sodom and Gomorrah.  Hot threesome with Phillip, Adam and Rafe coming right up!

Oh and I hear Sharon has new hair.  Still no AIDS test, but new hair. Stay tuned.

And You Thought You Were An Awful Teenager.

… and still doing that touching his face thing he did twenty years ago, when, apparently, as a resentful, alcoholic, suicidal teen, he decided to take advantage of the near-death car crash he’d been in, pay off doctors and cops, and fake flatlining in front of his mother Jill, grandmother Katherine, wife Nina and newborn child, PCIV.  Because he resented them all.  But now he’s back, and Cane’s NOT. HAPPY.

Also on today’s Y&R: we learned that Lily is just as sanctimonious with bangs as she was without, and that Devon isn’t very intimidating when he is trying to intimidate.  And while we LOVE seeing Nina again, and the mind-fuck that is her, Jill and Katherine at each other’s throats all over again, we wonder What. In. Hell. she did to wardrobe to dress her in THAT.

Sharing a note from a HIMBO! / Y&R fan: “Best line from my Mom: “If Cane isn’t Jill’s son, doesn’t that mean Billy and Mac are still cousins?”"

And The Last Word goes to … Nina!  ”Well here we are again, all of us in a hospital room of pain.  Just like the night Phillip died.”

I'd Sure As Heck Kiss Yani Gellman (Rafe) But Engel (L) Draws The Line At Killing Babies. Standards You Know.

I’m having an interesting experience as I watch The Young & The Restless these days.

I can’t stand the sight of one of the actors any more.

Which is interesting because he’s got a deliciously hot storyline and the guy has always proven to be nice and talented; I’ve enjoyed him very much until late.

He’s Chris Engen, now forever more known as the actor who abruptly quit the #1 soap opera in America two weeks ago after getting a script that called for him to kiss another man, a Y&R first.

He was replaced immediately and I’m guessing the new actor will appear on my screen in days, but meanwhile, as I said, I can’t stand the sight of Mr. Engen.

Engen will not kiss another man.  He feels this is such a vile idea that he has quit a very lucrative steady job in an industry where the only other gig he might ever get is as a clown at a kid’s birthday party.  So heinous an act kissing a man would be for him that even as a single father of a ten year old boy in real life, he will not do it, he will instead risk it all.

His character, the bastard child of Victor Newman, is currently plotting against his own father.  THAT was okay for him to portray on screen.  His character is going to great lenghts to drive his father’s wife crazy. THAT was okay for him to portray on screen.  In fact, his character has gone to such lengths that his father’s wife has lost their baby, making his character, in effect, a baby killer.  THAT was okay for him to portray on screen.

But he drew the line at kissing a man.

What a message this sends:  ”I’d rather play a baby killer than kiss another man.”

In Genoa City the drama is always on, but I find even as I watch his very hot storyline right now, I can’t wait for this jerk to be off.  

Go supersize someone’s fries.

You can hear “A Word On …” live daily at 4:10 pm on The Shaun Proulx Show, 103.9 PROUD FM.

It was a dark and stormy night in Genoa City.  Thunder, lightening, rain.  Victor leaves town to buy a company to find a cure for Adam’s blindness.  Apparently Victor hasn’t been watching Y&R ’cause if he had, he’d know it’s actually getting hard to decipher if Adam is blind anymore or not. One minute he’s crashing into things, the next minute he has the wherewithal to plot nefarious and complex deeds against Ashley. Then there are all the times he looks people right in the eyes, but we digress.

Cue heavy, brooding, classical music.

As the storm builds, Nick Tree tells a devastated Phyllis he’s leaving her for Sharon.  We watch as yet again Phyllis is with damn good reason inexplicably given all the lines in the heavy scene.  As Tree leaves to find Sharon so he can bury his roots, who shows up but Jack. Rain belting against the windows of the Newman tack room, Phyllis tells Jack her sob story, mostly that it’s about to be his sob story, too.  Together, they sob.

Wise.  Nick penetrates his pregnant ex-wife and we can practically see her various mental illnesses being cured, probably another part of this “Cassie’s Prophesy” we are supposed to remember from that death scene years ago.  Cue more rain.  And who sees that Nick has gone into Sharon’s room, but their neighbour down the hall, kooky Patti Williams Mary Jane Benson, who grabs her brolly and rushes to Phyllis’ to spill. But of course, spilling is already being done; Mary Jane arrives at the Tack House and weeps as she watches in the window as Jack gushes Abbott all over a grieving Phyllis.

Meanwhile, back at the Ranch, Adam sends the staff home.  Alone with a sleeping Ashley, he rigs his “Sabrina” tapes so that he Ranch is filled with her voice, tosses a purple table cloth over his head and makes his way (again, blind or not blind? confused here!) through the halls shining a flashlight on his face. Ashley hears this, goes into the hall, pulls the purple cloth off his head to see SabrinaAdamSabrinaAdam flash flash flash and this causes her to faint and fall down the stairs, arriving bloody and unconsicous at the bottom.

Meanwhile, who arrives in the rain but Nikki, banging on the door.  ”Ashley?  I’m here to check up on you!”

Cue rain.  Cue thunder.  And …. scene.

And The Last Word goes to … Adam!  ”Ashley!  Ashley, wake up!  Oh, no!  What have I done!”

P.S.  Daniel “Cane” Goddard’s confirmed he’s gonna come on the show again shortly to discuss the twist in his tale.  Stay tuned!

The Many Sides Of Sharon Include 'The Thief' And 'The Whore'. Can YOU Spot The Difference?

Having caught some kind of stomach bug and spent the last two days falling in and out of sleep on my couch in front of the TV, I could actually inform you on Erica breaking into Liza Colby’s room on All My Children, and the schizo baby hostage-taking on One Life To Live, or the mystery package from Afghanistan on As The World Turns, but I’m behind enough as it is.  Herewith, a mini Y&R re-cap, character-by-character. 

CANE: Continues to flash a shit-eating grin every time his new bride looks his way. Avoids Lily’s surprise trip to Australia. “Dead Phillip is there running a bar, we really shouldn’t,” he explains.

LILY: Basks in the glow of being newly-banged.  Unfortunately it’s the hair, not the newlywed sex she’s happy about.

NEIL: Macks on Tyra every chance he gets.  ”I was so surprised you won America’s Next Top Model,” he purrs …

TYRA: “Well I was so surprised Dru didn’t throw herself off a cliff earlier, married to you …”

DEVON: Pardon?

ANA: Available now for weddings and bar mitzvahs!

NOAH: “Anyone seen Eden?”

EDEN: “I smell a re-cast.”

LAUREN: Last seen folding sweaters at the Beau-tique.

MICHAEL: Last seen head hunting Raf for some “legal assistance”.

RAF: “Sorry, Mickey, I prefer the crazies!”

ADAM: Is he blind or not?  Manages to install cameras throughout the Newman Ranch, deliver a Sabrina scrapbook to Ashley – while she’s in the hospital – in his attempt to we’re actually not sure why he’s doing this in the first place, ’cause it’s a little over the top for some simple pay back for Dad.  Anyway, Raf has never been more turned on.

VICTOR: In the time span of ten minutes, Victor throws a feuding Jill and Gloria out of the ranch, congratulates Paul and Nikki on their engagement, and orders Patti Williams out of town, despite her tearful pleas.  Beats hanging out with Ashley, pretending she’s Sabrina when they kiss.

VICTORIA: Looks great, no storyline.

JT: Half what his wife has.

NIKKI: We picture her and Paul having sex and wonder who gets more make up on who?

PAUL: Still can’t put his finger on why his sister reminds him so much of someone.  Still carries the same silver briefcase.

MARY JANE: We REALLY REALLY love her hair and her bone-structure, and she has a great bod too and can act.  MUST she sit talking to that stuffed kitty cat?  Love her obsession with Jack, loved when she asked the ultimate Y&R question: ‘What is it about that blonde tramp that every man in town needs to protect her?”

JILL: Still sexy, flat broke thanks to Victor.  Scheming with Glo and Jeff for pay back, which is like going home with the last two people at the bar for a threeway on a Saturday night.  She gets a photo of Mary Jane sobbing into Victor’s arms.

GLORIA: We wouldn’t want to be that diamond she stuffed into her bra.

JEFF: Reminds us of the ‘Chester The Molester’ cartoons in old Hustler magazines. 

NINA: Was sorely missed, and the flashbacks to her and Phillip make us feel younger than the Botox makes us look.  Love that she just doesn’t get how it is that Cane just swept into town and became the new Phillip. Good point.

MACKENZIE: Two words: Fire. Her.

BILLY: Six words: I’m in love with this man.

CHLOE: And likewise this woman.  Love her looks, love her morphing into interesting.

ESTHER: We look forward to the day Katherine notices Esther’s not put the maid suit back on.

KATHERINE: “Sex with Murphy was like busting the hymen one more time.”

MURPHY: “It’s the way I tie a lure.”

SHARON: Still no AIDS test.  At least she inspired the title of this post  

JACK: Just as he was getting all high and mighty about Billy sleeping with his wife, along came the ghost of John to remind him that when he was in love with Jill, Jack did the same thing.  Must be in the genes.

NICK: “Give me as few lines as possible, I’ll just stand here.”

PHYLLIS: “That’s fine!  I can handle the pressure!  Big scene! Two people!  All on me! Got it!”

AMBER: Your trailer up on cinder blocks misses you.

DANIEL: Involved in art forgery mess (“My turn for a silly adventure that brings me closer to Jana now that Amber and Kevin are getting close!”), and we’re not talking about the fruit bowl numbers he does that drive the New York art world bananas. 

JANA: We notice she doesn’t wear her Kabbalah bracelet anymore, and THAT can’t be a good thing to say about a storyline …

KEVIN:  Receives forgiveness from some baseball player on his call-in radio show.  Only thing is the audio is so bad we the audience cannot hear a word the baseball player is saying. I’m not making that up. 

And The Last Word goes to … Phyllis!  ”If Sharon’s the one who’s pregnant, why is it I’m the one who feels like throwing up?”

Victor's New Man Gets Set To Pucker Up

Well.  In the midst of the broo-ha-ha over Prop 8 going on this today, Y&R’s Chris Engen has issued a statement about quitting the show rather than kiss a dude: Click here!

Meanwhile, replacement Michael Muhney will be kissing lawyer lad Raf, and said of his entree into Genoa City: “My first day on the set was crazy and fun and quite a wild ride. I had to hit the ground running at full speed.  I think I need a new pair of shoes, but in these economic times I’ll just have my shoes resoled. I’m honored to be a part of such an iconic piece of work and I can’t wait to sink my teeth into this thing.”

I completely forgot to mention that in the middle of all of last week’s dram, at Cane and Lily’s snoozefest wedding, who shows up but Devon’s Aunt Virginia, played by Maya Angelou Toni Morrisson Della Reese!  Aunt V. tells Devon that Tyra actually isn’t a blood relative, and that his bio father is out there, somewhere, thus opening the door for a summertime search for a Dad for Devon.  The only catch?  WE DON’T CARE!

Not Very Often I Agree With What Perez Has To Say, BUT ... Can't Wait For The Recast To Show Up - A Real Actor Who WILL Kiss Another Guy!

Why hello!  Welcome to my Y&R update!  Cluck cluck!

Sharon, who barebacked at least three of Genoa City’s men in an hour and is now preggers, continues to inform people she’s been barebacking and is preggers.  Still no AIDS test, but boy was it fun to see the look on Phyllis‘ face when she walked in on Sharon telling Nick Tree the news that the devil’s spawn growing within her might be his … AT CASSIE‘S GRAVESITE. 

Jack, meanwhile continues to be a putz continues to lovingly support the open manhole wife and we can’t wait for him to find out that both he and his brother have been inside Genoa City’s blondest depository blonde, even though brother Billy’s really still in love with a woman who could put a meth head to sleep with Mackenzie.  This insipid sight, of course, is worse than looking at last year’s hemline for stylista Chloe (who really does always look terrific), and so she does what we’ve all done in similar situations: paints their home a brighter shade of pink which never works, trust me and makes morning love with her wayward husband.  No fool, and practically smelling Sharon on him Chloe makes Billy wear a condom, wishing she had two for him to put on …

But no need to worry, because in Darfur Mackenzie had a love affair with another man, who shows up at Katherine’s Memorial Day BBQ: none other than the return of another boring Y&R character; bring back Brittany! Raul.  “Let’s find Nick and make a forest!” Mackenzie suggests to Raul, and they skip trudge off …

Paul, still the worst detective you could think of hiring, can’t put his finger on the fact Mary Jo Benson is really his sister, Patti.  Something about those eyes, that laugh, he tells her over drinks where she is (seriously) wearing massive sunglasses (smooth) to throw him off the trail.  It being Paul, it works. 

Meanwhile at the creepy Newman Ranch, we watch as everyone leans to Ashley being crazy over any other possible solution to the creepy going ons that have been going on.  We ask why it is Sharon can steal, exhibit multiple personalities, sleep with everyone in town and clearly be losing her mind and NO ONE even as much as gets her an Ativan, but here’s the normally sturdy Ashely being booked in for a head exam.  Our TV doesn’t respond.

Where a gay kiss is about to be worked into this whole mess, is anyone’s guess. 

And The Last Word goes to Katherine!  “I’ve got to go check on Murphy at the pool.  I have no idea if the man can swim.”

With Sugar Cane. (Or Is He?)

Hey, it looks like Vanessa Williams is coming on the show in a few days. Stay tuned for deets!

Meanwhile: Well.  Slap my ass and call me Sally. Here I was thinking I have completely fallen out of lust for Cane, what with him having become so sugary with this whole horrific idea that he and Lily are a great couple marriage to Lily, when doesn’t he say his vows with the “model”, and then have a quick flashback to that phone call we ALL remember he made ages ago where he revealed he was clearly up to no good?

TURNS OUT HE WAS TALKING TO PHILLIP! The dead one! No, the second dead one! From drunk driving.  No, the dead one from second drunk driving! Who turned out not to be Jill’s son, but Cane was.  

Or is he?  Suddenly Sugar Cane just got a lot tastier.

Meanwhile across town, just as I’m thinking to myself how WELL Adam is looking, how robust, how well- worked out he appeares, doesn’t everyone at The Genoa City Prison For Wayward Bastard Children the Newman Ranch start telling him the exact opposite!  Like, Ethiopia, the way they’re carrying on.  

And I guess they know better than me, sitting at home, ’cause suddenly he’s lost enough weight to slip the Martha Stewart ankle bracelet (a popular blue light special item at K-Mart) off and go anywhere he wants, and it’s here we learn he is behind the motiveless torturing of Ashley, who, BTW, everyone has quickly dismissed as nuts without much prompting, so plan working!  

We also learn Adam isn’t really blind, but, instead, is injecting something into his eyes which we don’t particularly enjoy watching ’cause suddenly we want to call our dealer only don’t have that kind of time in our life anymore.

Jill, Gloria and Jeffrey learn they have lost all their money thanks to Victor Newman … Paul proposes another round of VD marriage to Nikki … Sharon continues to behave like a skittish cat her descent into madness, clinging to Tree Nick for dear life as Phyllis tries to pry her fingers off her husband with everything she’s got.  Alas, Mary Jane Benson Patti Williams isn’t helping much, hellbent on keeping Sharon with Nick so she stands a chance at Jack …  Nina comes to town to propose writing a screenplay version of Katherine’s memoirs, as all of Hollywood is apparently very interested. “Angelina Jolie is dying to play you!” Nina tells the duchess … Daniel becomes an art spy for the FBI …

And The Last Word goes to … A phone call for Ashley, courtesy of Adam’s mad braille computer skills! “This is Sabrina.   Death is coming.  This is Sabrina.  Alone.  It is a cruel death.  Terrifying.  Next.  It is hopeless. There is no escape.  Next.”

Two Bitches At Rest.

Hope your Victoria Day long weekend (for Canadian readers!) was amazing.  The best thing I did for myself was turn OFF the computer, turn OFF the phone, and turn OFF my mind.  Everybody say: Ahhhh …

In the unplugging, I missed saying a large f-ing HAPPY BIRTHDAY to long-time H*I*M*B*O reader Vince – he’s been following since this blog’s previous incarnation as Loose Lips on GayGuideToronto.com.

Speaking of which, last week I promised you a shot at some premium Kylie tickets for when she comes to North America for the first time this October.  Of course, you know how to give it a whirl, girl

Good luck!

P.S.  Will have Y&R update shortly.  MUST discuss the delicious Cane/Phillip twist!

Soaps.com's Christine Fix And I Rushed To Jack's Side On The Weekend To Convince Him Not To Get Back Together With Bimbo.

Child!  What a week in Genoa City, where things continue to get curiouser and curiouser.  Jill, devastated by the revelation that Kay is not her mother, pours salt on her own wound by moving back into the mansion.  She tries to spoil a dinner Kay is having with the Wisconsin governor, whom Kay is wining and dining in order to obtain Kevin’s inevitable pardon for that whole awful chipmunk storyline robbing banks while under psychotic duress.  However, the new Mr. C, Murphy, wearing a hat covered in wobbly fishing lures, holds up the evening’s main course: two giant Wisconsin catfish, the governor’s fave.  Jill runs from the room, wishing she had quit the show after all screaming …

The wedding issue of Restless Style continues to come together in a way that would make Anna Wintour shit her pants laughing proud.  Chloe gets the great idea to photograph Cane and Lily at their orange-hued home for the magazine.  ”The world cannot get enough of the people in this city!” she declares.  A photoshoot ensues.

Our new favourite character (after Phyllis), Patti Williams Mary Jane Benson, skulks after Jack under the guise of being a “PR virtuoso”, but nearly cracks her own head open with rage whenever she sees Sharon toying with the Jabot exec.  Which is often, as Jack has decided the three-headed hydra baby within her is his (BAD idea) and that they should therefore get together again.  Sharon (BAD idea) concurs.

Speaking of which, as expected, no one who knows Sharon has barebacked three different guys so far this spring – one of whom is Billy, who only this week was described by Chloe as having “slept with countless women” – has made the suggestion: “AIDS test?”, probably because as we all know, straight people don’t get AIDS that’s not the direction the writers wish to go.  But we wonder if this would be the case if Raf, the only gay in the village, suddenly had such an active sex life as we all know, AIDS is about the gays, but we digress.

Let’s see, who else is worth talking about?  Oh!  We’re enjoying the storyline of the spooky Newman ranch, where someone is messing with Ashley’s mind, planting evidence that the ghost of Sabrina is alive and well, if only via memerobillia.  Could it be Estella, the employee who we’re told has worked there for years and never liked Ashley even though we’ve never seen her in our decades of watching the show?  Or is it Adam, who surely is faking his blindness.  It seems like he’s the likely suspect, the catch is – how could he mastermind all this given he’s got a Martha Stewart accessory  ankle bracelet monitoring his every move?

Oh, and we dug the face cream civil suit trial of Gloria, and the monologues on the witness stand pitting her and Ashley against one another, and we dug that Gloria lost and will now have to pay something back. Oh, and Cassie made an appearance in a dream of Sharon’s and it’s nice to see that even in heaven puberty happens her. Oh, and Heather thought it was a smart move to traipse around the house of the man she’s been trying to put behind bars since she came on the show in nothing but his son’s white shirt, but she’s not so brazen when that same man comes into Adam’s room where they have been making ugly love, and so hides in a closet where we wish she’d stay.  Oh, and Nick Tree went back to Newman to work for his father. 

And The Last Word goes to … Ashley! “Gloria you are nothing but a gold-digging narsissitic delusional bitch who manages to kill every man she’s ever been married to!”

Would You Take A Look At The Shiteous Rush Job Done On Decorating The Bannister For Billionaire Katherine Chancellor's Wedding!!!

First things, first!  I’m excited about today’s show!  A few weeks ago I got the nicest letter from a listener named Deborah, who loves the show. She wrote:

“… The other reason I like you is my son has been called “GAY”and “FAT” since he was 4 years old. And not in a good way gay or fat. He’s had a really really hard time but in the last two years – he’s 13 now – 5′ 11″ and size 13 shoe – he’s finally feeling okay about himself. He is at an alternative art school and felt comfortable enough to come out last year. He did say to me this year he likes some grade 7 girls so he may not be gay and I keep telling him it’s okay, he may know, he may not……….and it doesn’t matter when you are an adult. He’s getting more and more confident as time goes on and whatever he figures out he is I’m cool with it and I want him to be cool with it! So thank you! You help him and you help me…………”

We’ve been chatting back and forth since, because her son and his friend were recently part of a school presentation on heroes and heroines, with each lad picking someone and speaking about them. Harvey Milk and local icon Reverend Brent Hawkes were the two heroes these guys chose and today they are coming to the studio today to tell us why.  How great is that that kids are choosing queers as their heroes?

So this morning I’m out for a run through the Rosedale ravine with my dog, Ella, when we suddenly get stopped by police and yellow tape. Dead body.  

Meanwhile, in Genoa City, where such happenings are all part of a day, there seems to be a new hairstylist in town.  Tyra now sports a chocolate brown weave, and Mackenzie has a mane full of extensions.  (Sorry girls, it’ll take more than fake hair to like you!).  Early in the week at Restless Style, the international magazine that only covers Genoa City, it is decided a wedding issue is next. By Friday there is a mock-up. How, we’re not sure, as early in the week Phyllis is arrested for vandalizing Sharon’s room.  But by Friday she is out on the streets and on deadline and she and Nick are celebrating their anniversary. Phyllis buys Nick (whom we think we’ll start calling Tree) bed sheets with a 1500 thread-count.  ”Nice, but you still don’t have Sharon’s vagine,” he tells her. Tree has made for Phylllis a big Get-Out-Of-Jail-Free card and gets her some hospital bed type of bouquet (not making any of this up, no need to these days!) …  

Hot rumour!  We have been guessing that Mary Jane Benson is really Mary Jo Mason BUT now we change our bet (based on Christine Fix from Soaps.com’s inner knowledge) to …

… Patti Williams!  I know!  Aaack!  Remember she shot Jack (played by the late Terry Lester at the time) and left town all nutty?  Seems the writers could be playing with our heads and it was just this Friday when Mary Jane ran into (her brother?) Paul at Katherine’s wedding to Murphy and then went a little … odd … upon seeing him.  But not as odd as the final scene that day, where Jill, drunk out of her skull, shows up at the Chancellor Estate to bulldoze the wedding, only to be stopped by yet ANOTHER blast from the past: Nina!

Yes!  Nina is back!  Patti?  Nina?  I feel like a teen again!  Oh, and Sharon is preggers.  Whose the baby daddy?  Jack? His brother Billy?  Tree?  (Now go get an AIDS test while you’re at it, woman!  A gay man would certainly be forced to if he’d been unsafe with three guys in a row!).  Lastly, Ashley celebrates her birthday with Victor, putting on a dress she finds laid out for her on her bed, going down to show it off for the billionaire beau who presumably put it there.  However, it turns out it’s a replica of the dress Sabrina wore when she died.  Hate it when that happens. Victor goes ballistic and we wonder who it is that is messing with Ash: Estella?  ”Blind” Adam?  What we really are curious about is why Ashley is being messed with and not going: “Who the fuck is messing with me?” instead of all fragile like a china doll, automatically assuming she’s losing her mind.  But we believe, we believe …

And The Last Word goes to … Phyllis!  ”A get-out-of-jail-free card.  I guess because I was arrested. Right?”

The Chipmunk And The Loon.

Would you believe me if I told you that on the splendid, gorgeous, magnificent sunny Saturday Toronto just saw that I actually ran into someone who COMPLAINED IT WAS TOO HOT?  

Meanwhile, in Genoa City, it’s just as unbelievable, as we are served more of the silver chipmunk and cringe.

And then, as a side dish, we are also served the twist that new character Raf, the lawyer, whose aunt is Estella, the Newman staffer with the hate-on for Ashley, is a … ‘mo!  

No build-up, no drama, it was just Lily trying to fix Raf up with Colleen, with Raf taking a pass because “I’m gay.”  Well.  Knock me down with a feather.  In my decades of watching this show, never has there been a queer character, and here we have one.  Here’s hoping this gets explored properly – if we have to endure the artificial sweetner that is Lily and Cane, please let’s see some guys French kissing.

Speaking of the Splenda couple, Lily buys Cane a Yorkshire terrier and starts carrying it around herself everywhere she goes.  You can almost hear the writers sitting around the table asking, “What can we do to make this bitch more interesting?”  

“Leave town” would have been my answer, but no, it was to carry a small dog around, including into Jimmy’s the dive bar that Cane has suddenly up and bought.  Or dive “baah”, as Cane would say.  

On the plus side, it seems Mary Jo Mason Mary Jane Benson is starting to show her true colours, losing her mind and composure a bit when she spies Jack hugging Steal-It Sharon in public.  She blames her reaction on her ‘concern’ that Jack is spoiling her PR efforts by being seen with the klepto, but we smell looney and love it.

An aside:  Would it be possible for Y&R directors to remind the actors that when they appear at the coffee shop Crimson Lights carrying a coffee that coffee has some weight to it and is generally piping hot?  The way these empty paper prop cups get dramatically waved around by the denizens of Genoa City – in real life by now they’d all be suffering from third degree burns on their faces.  Thank you.

This past week also saw Adam’s birthday arrive.  A motley crue attend the dull event (you can almost see Raf thinking as he arrives: ‘Why don’t straight people ever play music at parties?’), including Heather, the woman who has tried to put Victor behind bars twice and failed, wrong both times.  Just as Paul Williams is the world’s worst detective, his daughter Heather is the world’s worst D.A., and both clearly take a certain pride in that.  Currently she is hellbent on putting Kevin away, and we sigh during all her scenes and stare at her mole, wondering what kind of scar it would leave if she just had a cosmetic surgeon slice it off.

Ashley goes for a walk in the woods – as 50-something women who find themselves miraculously pregnant and told to take it very easy are wont to do – and hears a baby crying from somewhere inside all the plastic trees.  

Or is it the chipmunk?

And The Last Word goes to … Ashley!  ”I’m not crazy!”

Smiling On The Outside, Debating Stealing On The Inside! Fix And I Break The Rules On The Set Of Y&R.

Last year when I was on the set of Y&R in L.A. I was tempted to steal a couple of things, much like Sharon has been ransacking Genoa City.  In particular I was tempted to take a bumper sticker I saw that read ‘Jack Abbott For Senator!’, and I was also tempted to slip a copy of the then current Restless Style into my bag. It had Katy Perry on it, imagine  having THAT on my coffee table, I thought.  

It was in my hands – we were on the teeny tiny set of the Restless Style ‘offices’, my pal from Soaps.com Christine Fix and I – and so it would have been easy.  There were several copies lying about, although what they were really were copies of the real-life W magazine with a fake Restless Style cover glued on them. The CBS folk, however, were VERY rule-oriented to begin with (no pics on set unless actors are in them, no watching certain scenes being shot, etc.), so the last thing I wanted was to get caught friggen STEALING A PROP and get kicked off. 

I fondly remembered this when watching Y&R this week.  Did you see what I saw?  Katherine is the latest GC resident on the cover and she held the mag up, and for the longest bloody blooper moment it opened up to reveal as clear as anything: “W Contents” – the index page of the actual magazine masquerading as Restless Style.  AAACK!!!!!!!! Oh how she laughed at THAT bloop, M&M crumbs falling from her mouth.

Also having fun with Billy and Chloe arguing over the baby.  No, literally, putting Delia down in her bassinet and then arguing over her … Loving Phyllis‘ ride on the emotional rollercoaster that is her marriage and Michelle Stafford is so damn good you just want to weep along side her, if only because she has to play her scenes across from that tree that is Nick Newman.  Incapable of any emotion at all, but god that L.A. soap actor body.  What would be fun would be to pair him up with the new Mackenzie, equally as wooden (although that could just be the lesbian in her), and then you would have the beginnings of a forest … Which would be good, because then the chipmunk that deranged Kevin is now seeing every time someone visits him in the looney bin would have somewhere to scamper off to.  This storyline is clearly being written someone who comes from the soaps where people levitate and we wish he would understand we like our Y&R with a soupςon of grounded sophistication, however absurd … Speaking of absurd, Sharon has now started to tell the world that she thinks she’s got a problem (HELLO!) with things like stealing bumper stickers from Jack’s election campaign and old Restless Style issues while visiting the set of Y&R shit from her neighbours.  But instead of freaking out about being found out and hauled off to the police station, she gets out on bail and shares this about herself as though she’s telling people she’s getting a new colour of blonde … We object to the over-use of the GC vintage book store where everyone runs into one another constantly.  We know America doesn’t read, let alone read vintage.  And regardless, how many times do YOU run into your worst enemy at a book shop?  A Starbucks, certainly.  But not a book shop … Scene-stealer of the week has got to be Jill, who is her own worst enemy, so much so that she keeps running into herself at the bookstore.  We so admire Canada’s Jess Walton.  For someone who has gone through as much behind-the-scenes contract drama as she has this past month, to the point of quitting playing Jill, she’s sure shown up and given it 100% regardless.  Loser of the week is Neil, for secretly encouraging Tyra to try and adopt Ana while at the same time pretending to back Karen, which is like … like …  like plotting with some reality show winner over Nia Peeples is really the only way to put it.

So that, friends, is your Y&R update for this week.  It’s evolving a bit from what I used to do, but it must, as the show itself is evolving and going through growing pains, and those pains are being felt big time right now. I’ve never had to smoke so much marijuana in my life just to make it tolerable some times.  Follow me on Twitter.

And The Last Word goes to … Karen!  ”You only used me to get over a dead wife!”

TGIF to you!  

Hosted The Community One Foundation’s Rainbow Grants Reception last night at Buddies In Bad Times Theatre and it was fun and inspiring to see the diversity of our community in one place, receiving grants to continue the various good works they do.  

This morning I’m being interviewed about one of my favourite topics: bathhouses.  MUCH to discuss! Later today on the show we go to Genoa City for all the spoilers y’all can stand, PLUS I chat with my pal, the celebrated writer Brad Fraser in advance of the Queer As Folk marathon I’m hosting tomorrow on OUT TV.  Fraser was a producer, story editor and writer on the show and it will be fun to get his thoughts on it’s impact.

Betty White was just a gem yesterday.  A friggen GEM.  Of course.  The real artists, the people who have really done something with their careers are usually the most down-to-earth and gracious and grateful. It’s the ones clinging to celebrity by a thread that are usually the most horrid.  It’s like: Haven’t you got a carrot to chop, little man?   

Meanwhile, Zac Efron is in a new movie starring Matthew Perry as his older self.  ”See?  From sewer to toilet!  My star’s back on the rise!” Perry gushed …

Billy Ray Cyrus is not taking Jamie Foxx’s insults to his daughter Miley Cyrus lightly. The singer weighed in on the feud between his teenage superstar daughter and the 41-year-old comedian, saying the comments were hurtful and hardly funny.  ”Dude!” he cried.  ”My achy-breaky heart!”  

Heidi Klum and Seal are expecting again.  ”We’re going to call it either Latte or Cappucino!” Klum chirped …

Also, Ryan and Farrah’s son, Redmond O’Neal is back in prison again. “Now I could REALLY use some meth,” he moaned, mid-gang-bang …

And The Last Word goes to … Dr. Brian S. Glatt!  ”Rupert looks ten years younger!”