Last night I remembered why I don’t bother watching award shows.  Ugh; I’m so glad I recorded it all so I could fast-forward through 98% of it.  Beyonce: Seen it and I’m so over hair-tossing.  The Michael Jackson Tribute: He deserved better than Celine, Usher, that old guy, and a couple of American Idols.  Pink: The one exception.  Loved it, brilliant, captivating.  And I’m not even a Pink fan.  Black Eyed Peas: Dull squared, considering what a great album The E.N.D. is.

And then there was this: Read the rest of this entry »

Take Me To Clarisse Starling.

I’m not the guy who’s gonna go get Botox and then act all coy when someone says, “Why doesn’t your face move?”.  Which is why I wrote all about it the first time I tried it in 2004.  Yesterday’s show’s Pole Of The Day asked if y’all were concerned with aging from a vanity perspective and 75% said YES! Me, too!  I will transform from aging radio host to fetus if it’s the last thing I do.

Right now I’m actually endorsing oxygen facials for Toronto’s Oxy Beauty.  I’m under no obligation beyond the ads running now on PROUD FM that feature my endorsement, but today I’m spreading the word just as a gal sharing a tip. It really is the most amazing – and painless – face treatment I’ve ever had.  It’s all about concentrated oxygen – you even get to breath the pure stuff while it’s happening. Takes an hour, a noticeable difference right away, your face looks facial fresh for days after to boot, other people comment favourably.  Five or six treatments to get the bigger wow factor and then upkeep a couple times a year.  Or more if you become addicted, I suppose.  Not that I have any addiction issues, of course.  Check Oxy Beauty out if you’re interested.

Meanwhile,

Brad Pitt has been spotted in Las Vegas showing his little boys around.  ”This is where you come to do drugs and screw hookers when you’re a fucked-up son of famous parents in about twenty years,” he explained to them …

German designer Wolfgang Joop recently dismissed Heidi Klum as “too heavy”, causing Klum pal, American designer Michael Kors to rush to her defense.  ”People who designed such horrid Holocaust wear should not throw stones!” he hissed …

Michael Phelps has been spotted at strip clubs to avoid the paparazzi.  ”We refuse to wrap our legs around that face!” declared the pole dancers …

It has been revealed Usher didn’t know his wife was having plastic surgery before the botched procedure in Brazil.  ”Listen man, knowing doesn’t help anyway,” consoled Kanye West …

Katy Perry immediately puked backstage after Lionel Richie gave her an award last night.  ”Yeah, people kept saying I had anorexia, but he has the same effect on me, too!” exclaimed Nicole Richie …

And The Last Word goes to … Madonna!  ”I swear by oxygen facials!” 

Baskin Robbins On The Danforth: A Moment In Time.

Recently it was my friend Amanda’s birthday. Being an Aquarius, she quickly nixed the idea of a lovely dinner at Five Doors North  for six and declared that instead we were all going bowling.

I had no idea Danforth Bowl existed, but it does.  Right on the Danforth.  Down some stairs.  Like, going into someone’s super size basement.  Five lanes, five pins, hip-hop on the stereo and the most motley crue of people you’ve ever thought you’d spend an evening with.

We brought an ice cream cake for Amanda, because what’s sticking your feet into overused ugly shoes without ice cream cake and wine in plastic cups?  And away we bowled.  It was funny when Patrick fell.  It was funny when Cricket got a strike and declared himself a pro, evident by the way he offered tips, like, “You should have waited for my instruction,” after someone got a gutter ball.  But soon Cricket started to get gutter balls, too, and this pissed him off, we could all tell, drunk.

In the end, I won, which is amusing in and of itself.  But not nearly as amusing as the game’s loser, who declared, “Well, I only lost by four points to Cricket – and I was high on K!”

Hey, the Queen of Mean, Lisa Lampanelli is the big guest du jour on the show today.  Tune!

Meanwhile …

Everyone is asking if Chris Brown can bounce back from his violent episode before Sunday’s Grammy’s. ‘Well his fist sure bounced off mah face if that’s indication of his ‘bounciness’!’  snapped Rhianna …

Denise Richards will be on the next Dancing With The Stars.  ’Which star is she dancing with?’ queried Heather Locklear …

Usher’s wife is all messed up following some mystery surgery in cosmetic-procedure-happy Brazil. ‘We’d look surprised – but then again we always look surprised,’ said Brazil …

The Jonas Brothers are ‘blown away’ following their recent sing-along with Stevie Wonder.  ’Specifically, we are blown away he’s still doing that to his hair and no one will tell him,’ they said …

And The Last Word goes to … Cher! ‘The Republicans almost killed me. …I try to be charitable and there are some really good Republicans, but I just don’t understand how anyone would want to be a Republican. I just can’t figure it. I don’t understand. If you’re poor, if you’re any kind of minority — gay, black, Latino, anything. If you’re not a rich — I don’t know. If you’re not a rich born-again Christian, I don’t get it.’