Find out why Shaun Proulx calls the play, “Brilliantly written, clever, laugh-your-ass-off-funny, and my fave play of the year”, and why you must go see it before it closes this Sunday 20 January, 2019.

Proulx was so impressed after seeing the play last week, that he invited writer and director, Richard Klagsbrun, along with co-stars, Precious Chong and Craig Lauzon, to join him for a lively #ThoughtRevolution chinwag earlier this week on the Shaun Proulx Show, SiriusXM Canada Talks 167.

AN UNSAFE SPACE is a comedic play about free speech, censorship, and the ideologically-based suppression of ideas, as well as the stereotyping of people and their opinions based on their racial and ethnic identities. 

Inspired by an actual event at a major North American university, the play addresses these concepts in a biting, irreverent way that entertains while acting as a stimulus for people to think about and confront their preconceptions. Could this be any more perfect for a queer audience?

AN UNSAFE SPACE begins with a meeting of progressive academics who have gathered to find ways to foil a large donation to their department by a conservative benefactor. 

Joanna Whitney (played by Precious Chong), a Political Science professor, is hosting a meeting at her home with her colleagues, some of whom happen to be her friends. In attendance is Joanna’s romantic interest, an aboriginal lawyer named Oliver Waterman (played by Craig Lauzon). Curious to learn what his political stances are and how he interacts with her friends, Joanna experiments with letting her personal and professional relationships interact.

Oliver expresses strong opinions which contradict the expectations of what the academics believe a First Nations person would and should hold. The events lead to romantic and professional rivalries, disputes, and outrage over Oliver’s opinions and confront the characters with the necessity of having to examine their own outlooks and prejudices.

Listen to the completely uncensored version of the interview above.

The post An Unsafe Place – Comedic Play Confronts Opinion and Preconceptions appeared first on Shaun Proulx.

By the time you read this my husband Patrick and I will have enjoyed aromatherapy massages – so decadent! on a Thursday! in the morning! – at the Spa at Four Seasons Hotel Toronto; today is our fourth wedding anniversary and Patrick has always known Baby likes luxe.

In the taxi there we laughed at an inane voice mail he kept replaying over his phone; after spa I let him know the good news that Hilary is alive – although now being held captive; arrgh! – on The Young & The Restless.

Before I married Patrick four years this afternoon, I sat down a week ahead to write my vows. My desire was to make promises I would actually keep – not spout marital lip service – and I wanted what I said to reflect not what a marriage ‘should’ be, but my desires for what my marriage could be. Here is what I vowed on the brilliant sunny day that was 9.10.11:

Patrick, I’ve come to understand that I’ve spent my whole life refining my version of what it means to be happy,
and in the doing, put the qualities that are You into a sort of escrow – long before I was happy and could see the whole of you.

But it wasn’t until I got happy that I could see the all of you – and realize how really well I had done.
In my appreciation of you today I cannot help but offer appreciation to every relationship, every event,
every circumstance in my life that has launched this reality that is now you and I.

I have come to know that the greatest gift you can give anyone is to be happy.
The greatest gift you can give your partner is to be so connected with who you truly are
– this is why we have a really good time together.

Neither of us ever holds the other responsible for our own state of happiness; we make our lives our own responsibilities.
You let me find out who I am, and I let you discover who you are.

And because of that it’s my knowing that both of us will always find ourselves satisfied beyond our fondest dreams.

Now that I’m here, seeing you in full view, it’s my promise that I will do everything in my power
to keep myself in the aligned, happy place that brought us together, this is what I vow today.

Patrick moved out last week. He wants to insert space into our non-stop often intense lives. Wiser than me often, he can see our marriage will work better right now if we have separate quarters.

Try having a mo-fo #ThoughtRevolution on that one.

It was not easy to accept this as the positive and powerful idea Patrick knows it to be.

Where he could see it, I was blind, deaf, and dumb.

It was also the last thing I expected.

I’m unsure if my core has ever been so shaken. Being married and not living together for a while was, to me, a terrible notion.

So I went off the grid and stayed on friends’ couches for days. I avoided, avoided, avoided. Avoided the feeling of rejection, of betrayal, of abandonment; the rug had been pulled out from under me.

Thoughts in those early dizzy hours were of the pity party variety: This isn’t the way to run a marriage; he should have discussed this; we should have decided this together…

Leaving is still not how I would have played it. But it is his marriage too, and how he played it and to the degree of the sureness of his decision that this is what is right for us (“and a mere page in the book of our lives together”) is the degree to which I have come to respect the fact that for now it’s just me and Ella. If there is one thing I have for Patrick besides love, it is trust.

Oh, but the getting back here. Especially from the starting point of being out of my mind for days. Getting back here has been (as goes any and every #ThoughtRevolution) – a thought by thought by thought by thought journey. I used my life hacks, my five words, I forward felt, I let go of old habits of thought, I rinsed, I repeated, I gave up the need to be right. Each thought that leaned me away from pity pointed me in the direction of Who I Really Am, the man who made a promise four years ago today:

Neither of us ever holds the other responsible for our own state of happiness; we make our lives our own responsibilities.

My #ThoughtRevolution lifted me up and carried me to where I am now. Which is to be in the deepest appreciation for the gifts Patrick has given me to mark four years of marriage: a deep massage for my body, and one for my soul… the soothing, healing knowing that when things are falling apart, they are actually falling into place. >Tweetable.

Next Week: The one concept saving me during this experience that you can use anywhere, anytime. Know it – and you will always be okay.

• Join Shaun here each week as his #ThoughtRevolution continues. Sign up and never miss a #ThoughtRevolution. It’s free and you’ll receive an exclusive gift: thought leader Panache Desai on our egos are our friends. Your MP3 copy arrives in your inbox within 24 hours of signing up.
• Related: What To Do When Things Ghomeshi
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Make the right decision!

For many of us those words are on loop in our minds, a terrifying high-pressure mantra. Whether you are raising kids, caring for clients, mapping out your next moves or even when just dealt an awkward favour request by a friend, decision-making is one of the most difficult challenges each of us face. But whether millions of dollars are at stake or whether it is broader, that you always want to honour yourself in all the choices you make, the good news is you can always make the right decision if you use your personal GPS.

Hunter realized his personal GPS was talking to him loud and clear just last week (though it had always been). I have been coaching him (and am using his story with permission) through an agonizing process: leaving a job he has had for his entire work life and now hates – he is in his fifties – to pursue creating a business that allows him to use his unique skills and talents every day creating a product that will make people feel really good.

What’s held him back for so long? Fear. Fear of making the wrong decision. And then more fear: what lies ahead if I don’t make the right decision?

All that changed this past week when my phone rang. It was Hunter, calling me to tell me his last day at the job he has hated for so long is next month.

I could hear the elation in his voice, and after my backflips and mandatory confetti tossing ended, I said to Hunter, “So how do you feel – you finally did it, after all this time.”

Hunter replied, “It feels really good. But the jury’s still out.”

I asked Hunter what that last bit meant and he clarified: “Did I make the right decision by quitting my job? We’ll see. Jury’s out.”

I said to him: “You have to understand something like you’ve never understood anything before: If you are feeling good that’s it. The jury is IN – you made the right decision.“

Feeling good is the call of life. >Tweet this!

Hunter’s personal GPS was already giving the great universal stamp of approval to his decision: “It feels really good,” he said. Our emotions are not just complex feelings that fly about in our minds and hearts in reaction to things we observe or experience. Our emotions are our very own, unique only to us, personal inner guidance system, our personal GPS. And your personal GPS is magnificent – no car company will ever be able to mimic the intelligence you are being given at all times as long as you pay attention to how you feel.

Hunter left his job at last and is feeling great? That’s divine intelligence telling him all is well.

When Hunter was at his job he felt miserable the better part of the last ten years (his personal GPS telling him he was not where he should be). As I have coached him he has been a hard nut to crack, he was so afraid of making the wrong decision. But then he finally too the leap and he has been flying high ever since. What’s that flying high? Not just random positive emotions because he has only days left doing a job he hated for so long, the flying high is his inner GPS jumping for joy because he’s finally turned right after years of ignoring all the calls to do so.

As we live our lives, we are searching for a feeling. Feeling frisky, feeling jazzed, feeling eager, feeling alive, feeling YES!, feeling like you can take on the world. And to the degree that you are feeling incredible as you interact with people, as you make decisions and choices, is the degree to which you know your interactions and decisions and choices are the right ones for you.

Your inner GPS never goes haywire on you. The next time you are pondering a decision, you only need to imagine yourself in the different scenarios of that decision. Does asking someone to marry you feel wonderful and exciting or does it fill you with unease? Don’t do it if it’s the latter. Does getting your child a pet suddenly make you freeze with dread or so you smile to yourself as you envision them holding their first kitten? Which feels better? Sticking to the scheduled dinner plans with your friend tonight, or the new idea you just had to reschedule dinner and be a couch potato with a tall glass of Sauvignon Blanc?

Making the right decision is easy. Do the things that make you feel alive. Say no to those that don’t. All it takes is the understanding that our emotions are our magnificent guidance systems taking us through life the way we ourselves would have us go. When I left finance my decision was made by comparing the way I felt when I thought about staying in the industry to the way I felt when I thought about re-inventing myself and pursuing my passions.

Never once has my inner GPS steered me wrong, and never once will it steer you wrong either.

The post How To Make The Right Decision (Your Personal GPS) appeared first on Shaun Proulx.

Don’t you love a good life hack? (Rub a walnut on damaged wooden furniture to cover up dings.) Except life hands you more than annoying little problems like tangled electronic cords (use paper fasteners to separate them), it hands you annoying big problems like diverse people, upsetting behaviours and your own internal feelings.

Below are five of my favourite #ThoughtRevolution life hacks – they allow me to deal with common challenges we all face that once used to totally throw me out of alignment, which is when, unless you stop it, all hell breaks loose.

Here’s what to say – to yourself, in person, or in writing – when:

You need to be heard:

It’s important to me you understand ___________.

This always gets people’s attention and ensures they know what you are saying is serious.

You are dealing with unfriendly, mean or even vile people:

I wish for you a better day.

Anything less pulls you and your point of attraction down where the person lashing out is struggling (because their behaviour isn’t about you). I used this one a lot last week.

When you are nervous, afraid or anxious:

All is well in my world. Everything is working out for my highest good. Out of this experience only good will come – and I am safe.

Thank the godmother of metaphysics Louise Hay for that one. When I heard her say that on Oprah I memorized it and have used it more times than I can count. When my husband Patrick or I are worried or anxious, the other invariably sing-songs it and just hearing “All is well in my world” sung really poorly triggers a deep soothing and an even deeper knowing that everything is going to be just fine. And so it is.

When a doomsayer is spreading their gospel:

That might be true for you but it isn’t for me.

The doomsayer could be the guy in the cubicle next to you or the guy on the 6 o’clock news, they are everywhere. Some examples of doomsaying: “This economy sucks!” “What a crappy summer we’re having with all this rain!” “The flu is supposed to hit us hard this winter.” “You can’t make money as an artist.” “HIV comes with horrible struggles every day.” A day does not go by when I don’t say this one.

When you desire an improved situation about something important to you:

I like the idea of ______. (more on this one here)

Rather than complain about a person’s behaviour (“my boyfriend is a crap communicator!”) or a circumstance (“my client hasn’t paid me”) use these words to begin describing the way you’d like the situation you are in to be. They don’t negate what’s going on and they point your desire and thoughts towards solution. IE: “I like the idea of clients who pay on time.”

These hacks work because they have either a neutral or elevating effect on your vibration, your vibration being your set-point for what you are attracting. They don’t fan the flames of a negative situation, making it bigger, and they cancel out momentum; they’re high vibe so you so too, no matter what.

• Related: What To Do When Things Ghomeshi
• Get a new idea each week direct to your inbox. Sign up to receive #ThoughtRevolution free – and get an exclusive gift: thought leader Panache Desai shares with me why our egos are our friends. The MP3 arrives in your inbox within 24 hours of signing up.
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Last week a blog post I wrote for SiriusXM Canada Talks, where I host The Shaun Proulx Show, upset some of the people who did not understand it.

There were many. The post blew up on social media and so too did much negative emotion, aimed in my direction and at my family.

In the days that followed I was called names like misogynistic and transphobic (some of the politer slams); wrath came from every direction.

It’s not the first time something I wrote or said caused negative reaction and I know it won’t be the last. But it was actually a related tweet between @rafayagha (terming me “actual human trash”) and @_Confessor that dismayed me more than any name-calling could when it was brought to my attention:

“I’m always wary when one person thinks they have so much to offer the world,” @_Confessor tweeted @rafayagha.

It wasn’t the personal dig that made me cringe, but the false premise within, a great deception under which too many people live out their whole lives.

Anybody “wary when one person thinks they have so much to offer the world” is falling for one of the greatest lies we believe, when the truth is all seven billion people on our planet – every one of us – has so much to offer the world.

And that is truth each of us needs to own today.

Where do you fall on this idea? Do you have much to offer? Un petit peu? Zip?

I believe we all feel we could be playing bigger; I believe we all want to play bigger.

And I know we hold back, wary: Who do I think I am? Who do they think they are?

Well stop.  >Tweetable!

“Your playing small does not serve the world,” Marianne Williamson wrote in A Return To Love in 1993. “There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.”

Williamson’s words were and are a gift that reminds us that life is short and to make it matter – each of us.

In May, my personal hero and inspiration, Oprah Winfrey, guested on my talk show. When I thanked her at the end of our conversation for the profound impact she has had on me without even knowing it, Winfrey said: “I’m so glad that I was able to play a role in your life. I feel that the joy of being human, is that we all get to do that for each other. I think in every moment, you just never know when something you say, or a look, or a glance, or a pat on the shoulder, or an acknowledgement to another person means more than you could imagine, because that’s the experience of our humanity, is reaching out to each other in graciousness and kindness, so I’m very glad that that happened.”

Me too, and Winfrey is bang on. We never know who, when, or how you touch someone else, but as I have come to learn after a decade and a half of sharing from wherever I’m at – and after a #ThoughtRevolution about my place in the world and what I have to offer; I didn’t always think I had something to give – the dividends are always huge when you make the investment of reaching out.

If whatever reaching out means to you feels bigger than you are right now – if it ignites fear inside you that someone might say they are wary of you, one person, for thinking you have so much to offer the world – I promise you that is all the more reason, a fat cue, to reach into the world and offer it your heart.

It’s fine if some are wary. Because even wary people, like @_Confessor, without even knowing it or meaning it, but who has now touched lives through one tweet – the joy of being human – give others permission to do the same.

You just need to say thank you, and take it.

• Related: How To Overcome Old Habits Of Thought
• Get a new idea each week direct to your inbox. Sign up to receive #ThoughtRevolution free – and get an exclusive gift: thought leader Panache Desai shares with me why our egos are our friends. The MP3 arrives in your inbox within 24 hours of signing up.
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“How do I know what to do with my life?”

That’s a BIG question I get asked over and over.

In order to know what to do with your life, you have to first know one key thing: You are not looking for a “new, better job”, you are not looking for a “fresh start”, you are not looking for a “life makeover”.

You are looking for a feeling.

My discovery of this was a wonderful unfolding, though I wish I knew back in 2000 what I know now, when I began my own “what to do with your life” quest.

When I left my finance career, abandoning financial security and selling my house to support my dream, people used to say to me, “You’re lucky you know what you want to do with your life.”

Subtext: “Most of us don’t.”

But I did. Or so I thought.

I told everyone I was going to become an actor. Acting was the one thing I always loved doing, taking theatre classes since I was a little boy, reading every play I could get my hands on, studying it in school, winning awards and having genuine talent for it. I was also obsessed with all things arts and entertainment. And I regretted not having moved to LA as I had intended to (I really should have been cast on The Young & The Restless as a villain. Live and learn.)

But I wasn’t going to let another year go by without at least trying.

Stepping into a scene study class with other acting students I felt home again in a way no experience in finance made me feel. I auditioned for a play and on the first day officially no longer in finance got a call from the director at 9 am offering me the part (I loved that sign from the Universe). That part got me an agent, who then got me auditions which led to some teeny tiny film and commercial work.

But after a while something wasn’t sitting right with me. As I auditioned for this and that, I would be told I was too tall for some gigs, too dark haired for others, too gay, not gay enough, to ethnic looking, too fit, not fit enough.

After a while I absolutely hated that doing what I wanted to do was in someone else’s control.

So I started to do other things. I wrote, I landed a radio show and another radio show. I interviewed people and told their stories, sometimes on TV, sometimes on radio, sometimes in writing. I began to book live hosting gigs. Along the way I started a #ThoughtRevolution workshop series. I created podcasts. Today I also coach people on how to have a #ThoughtRevolution around whatever subject is important to them.

And the acting thing? Fell by the wayside. Not because I didn’t or don’t want to, but because I realized something huge:

I never left finance to act.

When I said I wanted to be an actor, what I was really saying was “I want to have a life where as much of it as possible sees me feeling how I do when I act. When I am “on”, when I am rehearsing, when I am working with creative people, when my imagination is going, I am at my absolute most joyful. I want to feel my absolute most joyful with what I do with my life.”

Everything I do today makes me joyful. I got what I truly wanted when I left finance, even though it wasn’t what I thought I wanted.

You are looking for a feeling and unless a new career or your life overhaul is going to give you that feeling, you will keep looking and looking, thinking you are looking for something you are not.

In order to know what to do with your life you have to first know what brings you joy. In order to know what you want to do with your life, you have to know that feeling of “there is nothing else I want to be doing”. >Tweet this!

If you already know what brings you joy, you are on the right path. Use it as your guidance system as you pick and choose change in your life.

If you don’t know, you’re in for the ride of your life. Because as I learned, there is so much out there that brings you joy, you only have to give yourself permission to explore. What are the things that you do that make you feel like you are “home” the way I did when I stepped into that acting class?

Need help with this? Pick my brain.

I’d love to hear from you. What are the things that bring you joy, and how did you discover them? What should other people who read this do to discover their joy? Share your wisdom in the comments below.

The post How To Know What To Do With Your Life appeared first on Shaun Proulx.

If you’re serious about success, there’s one thing to know: You’ll get nowhere as a doormat.

In business you can have the best intentions, ideas, your product and service and customer care can be unparalleled, and you can work to the bone and have everyone around you believe in you. In your private life you can be the best partner or friend, have all the love in your heart anyone could want, and be with the best mate and posse ever.

But if the disease to please festers within you, success wherever you want it in your life will always be out of reach.

A people-pleaser just is not a match for the highest levels of success; those who have what you want will have – I guarantee – pissed off a lot of people en route. Not because they are asses, not because they are blindly ambitious or mean or greedy or unscrupulous – most successful people love the idea of everyone being pleased with one another.

However, high level success stories know and respect a simple truth:

It is impossible to please everyone – everyone wants different things from you. >Tweet this!

And so truly successful people don’t even try. You cannot match up your ideas and agenda and feelings and needs with everyone around you.

To some degree, we all suffer from the disease to please. I for sure have, and it stalled my life in myriad ways for years until I realized that no quick fixes from a magazine (set boundaries! learn to say no!) would change anything.

Do you have the disease to please? Common symptoms (he wrote, from experience) include:

* You don’t give a straight yes or no answer and often sidestep answering all together.
* You would rather pretend you have the answer than state you don’t know.
* You feel very real fear from the thought of upsetting others.
* It feels awful to think someone does not like you.
* You return every email, phone call, social media message you are sent.
* Others are slow to return your calls and emails.
* You speak in your upper register to people.
* You think people are doing you a favour by doing business with you.
* You think you are ‘lucky’ to have the friends or partner you do (this is not the same as appreciation or gratitude).
* You don’t set boundaries (“but she’s a client; he’s my boyfriend”).

The solution isn’t to just do the opposite of what you were doing before. The reason disease to please feels dreadful isn’t because you’re doing things you don’t want to do (though that never helps), but because you are doing things you don’t want to do because you think success depends on pleasing people and it is your buy-in of such an immense false premise that is what stings.

Pleasing Others = Success is actually so bogus you feel the awful ache in your solar plexus; it gnaws down into the deepest part within you every time. (The good news now is, next time you feel that certain awful, you’ll know you are people pleasing again.)

You are born to be successful. You are here to create your version of joy. You are meant to make manifest glory as you see it. There isn’t a limited success pie. It is your birthright. It is all of ours. That’s the point of being here.

I overcame my disease to please by letting go of old habits of thought; I had a #ThoughtRevolution about how success happens, why it happens, how I deserve it and that it is my destiny. I chucked any idea I had that felt shitty thinking it and replaced it with an idea about success that felt amazing. (That’s the only way to know if an idea is right for you: it feels crappy or feels like joy. And for those of you like me who work for themselves – or want to – a #ThoughtRevolution that success is your natural state of being is worth having, stat.)

Some new ideas on success for me – including ones I have shared –  included:

– My success is governed only by me. (Feels like joy.)
– I am the only person I need to please. (Reads harsh but feels real nice.)
– The best way to please others is to give them a happy and successful version of myself. (Feels euphoric.)

Try this #ThoughtRevolution on for size; create a few affirmative ideas that fit you where you are now.  And a great time to re-think any old idea is the morning before any distractions begin – lying in bed upon waking, journalling over a coffee, or as you walk your dog.

However you make it happen, if you only repeated one of new ideas over and over, your  life would change in a week. When you honour yourself with a simple #ThoughtRevolution – telling your story the way you want it to be using thoughts that please you – the world around you shifts.

I guarantee that, too.

It’s not behaviour changes that cure the disease to please, it’s the thoughts you think about who you are and where your success stems from.

Please share this with any people pleasers you know who could use some help. And I would love to know about your experiences with the disease to please. (I enjoy getting so much feedback via email, but sharing below lets us all reap the wealth of experience we all have to share with each other.) Please leave your thoughts in a comment!

The post The Disease To Please: Stop Being A Doormat appeared first on Shaun Proulx.

Tuesday I was texting with a friend who thanked me at the end for providing him with comfort.  “It makes me realize I’m not crazy,” he wrote.

That made me realize we need to get clear on something most have backwards. Feeling ‘crazy’, like a freak, misunderstood, and even the loneliness that comes with those feelings should be cause for celebration. 

When I was a little boy my mother began to say something that she still does: “You can’t tell Shaun what to do.” And you can’t. There has always been something within me that resists that with everything I have. Ask my husband, ask former boyfriends (clearly, look what happened). Friends who know me well have said, “It’s easier not to make you do something you don’t want to do.” It’s been over a dozen years since I began working for myself, I will never work for someone else again, and in the end I even chose being fired from PROUD FM over being told what to do.

My pushing against others telling me how to behave is not just to be difficult, is not because of ego or pride, not because I like people being unhappy with me or feeling I’m an a-hole; many have been and do.

I was made this way. Everybody is. We are all born knowing that nothing is more important than freedom, because the basis of joy is freedom and we are here to discover what makes us feel joy and to pursue it. >Tweet this!

Too many other people get caught up in the self-serving, agenda’d, antiquated ideas that society, culture, and religion dictate are the “right way” to live and the “wrong”  until they utterly forget what they were born knowing.

The rest don’t forget – can’t – and would rather risk not pleasing the world (mission: impossible) and put their freedom first.

This is where the ‘crazy’, misunderstood, freak part comes in. Because when you make the choice to make freedom your top priority, shit happens. It can’t not.

Be on a different page to the majority of the people around you  and you may have a lot of people coming and going in your life.

Make the choice to make freedom your top priority, you may end up broke, like I have been before.

Freedom might mean a divorce, freedom might mean moving elsewhere.

Shit happens when you choose freedom first.

And that shit – whatever words you use to describe it – means you are choosing joy, choosing your purpose.

And that is worth celebrating.

When you don’t get along with people, when people don’t understand you, when you think you are going crazy – good! It’s impossible to do you and not piss people off, not to have people disagree with you, not to have people judge you. When you are living your life in a way that makes you happy, you will buck the tide, you won’t be aboard with everyone else’s plan.

The degree to which you are pursuing your freedom will correspond with the degree to which you feel like you are alone, off, not the norm, crazy. And I’ve come to understand that those are amazing signs you are on the right track. It means you are doing things your way and because you came here to get your hands dirty in the muck of life and create your own version of joy, you have no choice but to do things your way and so good.

The trick – and this is why I feel so confident in sharing this with you – is to appreciate being on the leading edge instead of beating yourself up with mis-assigned labels. Every genius artist in history has been a tortured freak. Everything wonderful that has ever been created in every industry has been done by people who were loathed by others, who didn’t behave in ways that made many happy, who were hard to get along with; hello Steve Jobs. Real wonders of the world – Madonna – lead incredibly lonely lives and imagine being her children? That woman is in no way normal but look at her go. My friend Lisa, a freedom-seeker if there ever was one, recently blogged about all her fears lately – good! Those are bright lights telling her she is playing hard.

It’s never crowded when you throw a party for people living life their way. >Tweet this!

I can tell you unequivocally that I would rather pass on knowing I lived my life my way instead of realizing with dread at the last minute I wasted all my time being told what to do and how to do it by people who needed me to behave a certain way so they could feel good.

The next time you think you’re going ‘crazy’ pour yourself some champagne. Have a #ThoughtRevolution about not being normal. Stop thinking of being different as “wrong”.  Go easy on yourself and be gentle. And raise that glass of bubbly to what that really means: you are living life the way you came to live it. Your way. Like me, no one can tell you what to do. And let the wild ride that ensues be your new normal.

There are people in your life who are feeling fearful and lonely and crazy – share this with them. And what are you feeling right now that you could be seeing as a good thing rather than a bad thing? Share in the comments below for others to read and let’s all stop beating ourselves up together.

The post Nothing’s More Important Than Freedom (Celebrate Your ‘Crazy’) appeared first on Shaun Proulx.

I know more than ever without doubt that anything is possible after lunch – and an ensuing friendship – with someone with whom I never dreamed I’d break bread.

Former same-sex marriage opponent Michael Coren explains in the current issue of The Walrus why he has quit the Catholic church, has “apologizing to do”  – and even shares what he took away from our first meal together. In my exclusive interview this weekend with him for The Shaun Proulx Show (which All-Access Passholders can hear any time they want; click here to read an excerpt), Coren says, “That had a very very profound effect on me, your story. It’s not just the major event so much that changes one, I think, it’s things like our lunch.”

I found myself shaking hands late last summer with a man who has – intentionally or not – created pain within one of my communities when I stepped off the set of a live show at the now-defunct Sun News Network. Michael caught the show on the monitors of the network lobby and as I was leaving the building he stopped to tell me he enjoyed what I had said on-air.

I didn’t clue in to who he was until he said his name, and as I shook his hand a visceral reaction raced through my body, quite contradicting what was going through my mind, which was the thought: I like this person; you know when you feel that the moment you are in someone’s energy?

Later that week Coren tweeted me a link to something he had written, and to my surprise when I took time to look (I was hesitant), it turned out that just before my city’s most recent Pride festival, Coren had actually published an article called I Was Wrong, about his in-progress epiphanies concerning his long-held negative stances about the LGBT community.

We met for lunch early that fall. I sat down, relieved to see Coren had ordered wine because I felt I could use a drink. Over my adult life I have read or heard his stances on the LGBT community especially around same-sex marriage. His take on the issues were heartbreakers, especially because Coren is an immensely talented communicator – he makes his arguments with power. I also have read and heard from other LGBT people how they too have been negatively effected by Coren’s voice.

Small talk ensued and Michael did what I find a lot of straight people do; suddenly I was looking at pictures of his gorgeous wife and beautiful children on his smart phone.

I remarked on what an attractive family he had and I meant it.

Awkward silence ensued. I took a sip of wine.

My iPhone, packed with pictures of my husband, with whom I have been in a relationship with for over eight years, and our four-legged companions, remained in my pocket.

I literally had to take hold of the moment, acknowledge within myself that a big fat issue was rising to the surface and that it was up to me to get over myself – or not – and take my phone out and show this man who had been such a force against gay marriage my gay marriage.

Which I did. And Coren was nothing but interested and asked me questions about my life with Patrick.

I felt ashamed of my own internalized homophobia, of my cowardice in meeting Michael where he was meeting me. I still cringe at not being my full self for even those long five seconds, until I forced me to keep up with me.

As I put my phone away, I asked Michael – because this was only our first conversation – if I could be frank, not in the spirit of condemnation but in the spirit of the bigger communication we were obviously both interested in having. He said of course. As Michael writes in The Walrus:

“I was hesitant to show (my family) to you. I was uncomfortable with how you might react.”

I felt ashamed and very small.

“You know,” he continued, “you had quite an effect on my life. I’d just come to Toronto—wasn’t even out yet—and I was meeting with a colleague. He went off to the washroom, and I read the newspaper he had with him. It was the Toronto Sun, and you had a column in it that was critical of gay people. Of me, really. It broke my heart.”

The two of us are friends now. But, good Lord, I still have some apologizing to do. Quite a lot, in fact.

I didn’t share the story of reading Michael’s column that day back when I was a newbie in finance with him to glean an apology. I shared it with him so he might understand the effect the likes of him and other homophobic people have on the spirit of LGBT people, how it keeps growing the ancient mountain of negative messaging LGBT people are destined at birth to climb over; many never make it even halfway up.

Which is why it has knocked my socks off that, in the months since I met Michael at the Sun studio, he has quit the Catholic church.  As recently as last Sunday, Michael Coren bravely stood in the very church that performed the world’s first same-sex marriages – which he once called “Canada’s biggest mistake” – to say he was wrong. Michael now also says that in the hate he has received from former friends, and from Catholic people around the world, he feels he has had a tiny glimpse of what it must feel like to be an LGBT person and feel the hate of strangers.

Michael Coren has had a #ThoughtRevolution. So much of one, his next book will share his pilgrimage, his epiphany, and, after that, he intends to make the next chapter of his life about love of all.

I also had a #ThoughtRevolution that day. So much of one I left that lunch almost in a state of shock. I had to buy new shoes just to calm down.

There is more beauty in this than I can express with mere words. But, I say to Michael in our hour-long one-on-one interview:

You changing your mind shows everybody, shows me that anything is possible, wherever our minds are on any subject at all. Look at this 180. So whoever you are, if you are stuck in a pattern of thought, you think this about who you are, you think that about your relationship, you think this about your ability to achieve anything. You can change – all of that. We can all change.

All it takes is one thought, one new idea, one new way of telling a story.

One #ThoughtRevolution and anything is possible.

As always, please share your ideas and thoughts in the comments below.

PS: So about Jurassic Park‘s Chris Pratt, whose rise in Hollywood is reaching epic proportions: You know that recent trend, where people shared what they would tell their younger selves? It was such a sweet exercise, but in terms of practical usefulness, looking back at what is over doesn’t hold the kind of appeal to me as what Chris Pratt shared he did before he was even close to being a star, with US magazine:

“I look through journaling entries from when I was 19 and they’re like, “Hey, where are you now? Are you looking back on this moment when you had no gas in your car? Have you ever been to New York? I bet you have.”

Pratt goes on to say, “I was doing stand-up comedy routines on the beach for my friends, but I had a feeling I was going places.”

Chris had a feeling he was going places because he created that feeling, and that’s what I talk about what anyone can do with the tool called Forward Feeling. It’s all about thinking the thoughts that serve you best.

Now share your ideas and thoughts about Michael Coren and his #ThoughtRevolution in the comments below. What subject might you have a #ThoughtRevolution about? For sure I never thought I’d have the one I’ve had – what feels impossible for you?

Don’t forget to share this post with anyone who thinks they can’t change their mind on an issue that is weighing them down.

The post Anything Is Possible appeared first on Shaun Proulx.

If you’re serious about being happy you have to give up being right.

(Cue egos everywhere screaming of how wrong it is to give up being right.)

The need to be right is so powerful that for some people it is their governing mindset. Although I’m vastly improved in this area thanks to some simple tools I’m about to share with you, last week, I wasn’t even awake when the need for me to be right arose – fast.

Do you sleep well when you know you have to be up early for something you cannot miss? Me neither. Thursday I had to be up super early and on Zoom before sunrise for a Pick My Brain session with a client in Australia.

On a typical morning I am up and on. But, conscious of my commitment, I slept poorly, checking the time frequently, almost like I do when I have an early flight to catch.

Having slept poorly meant that once I was out of bed and downstairs, outside where I take Ella for her morning constitution, I was quite comatose; I could have been wearing a top hat and tails for all I knew. I hoped that was dew from the grass on my toes and flip-flops.

So when Neighbour’s large off-leash dog was out-of-nowhere all over a mid-poo-ing Ella – a rescue who doesn’t like other dogs, never has, never will – she began screaming, adrenaline shot through me, and the two animals went at it, at my feet.

I separated them using power of my super-long Naomi Campbell legs for good, and pulled Ella away – handy, these leash things! – from Neighbour’s dog.

I looked at Neighbour. Neighbour saw what went down but looked away and stared at the ground (the sheepish reaction I find typical of dog owners who let their dogs run loose causing havoc: “I shall pretend like this isn’t happening”).

The complex I live in – the city in fact – is super dog friendly and I appreciate this deeply about both. But my complex has very strict regulations about dogs on leashes; Toronto just announced a crack-down.

In an ideal world all dogs could run off-leash, I’d love that, but in an ideal world my dog Ella wouldn’t have had horrors happen to her so bad that Patrick and I were her third home before she was six months old. When other dogs are off leash and run up to her, they are put at huge risk: Ella will not go down without a fight if she suddenly feels threatened (and I don’t blame her).

The last time this happened was late this past winter when a whole gaggle of neighbours were hanging around, several dogs off leash. I came outside with Ella, on leash, took her away from the other dogs to pee and before she could finish no less than five dogs of all different sizes were upon her.

In her twisting and pulling and defending herself out of panic, she pulled herself free of her collar and ran – as the dogs chased her – towards the closest road, busy with 5 pm traffic.

I raced off after her, caught her by the curb, and put her collar back on. Then I was in the faces of my neighbours; me angry is never cute. I am big, loud, will have a lot to say and won’t back down. My temper is intense when lit and I say that with no pride.

Some dog owners did “I shall pretend this isn’t happening,” one or two found some foul adjectives to call me, all of them though – you could feel it – knew I was right. No dog owner wants their dog feeling so scared that they run off towards oncoming cars.

Ella and I left. As I began to simmer down, I realized what I always do about being right. It never feels satisfying and has a sour aftertaste. I hate the confrontation that often has to happen and I hate how exhausting it is to fight until a win happens. I don’t like losing my temper – in public this time – yay! – and I hate feeling I have lowered myself. I also want to like my neighbours, not bellow at them.

So last Thursday morning when a similar incident occurred I made the choice to give up the need to be right.

Because my prior winter meltdown had caused exactly zero dog owners to change behaviours.

Because I just didn’t want a crap day and anger at 5am is a pretty surefire way to start one.

Because I had a client on the other side of the world who was expecting my best self. Not my riled up, preoccupied, wanting to shoot thy neighbour self. My self with all the ideas, instincts, inspirations, a self en pointe. None of which I would have access to if I had chosen to be right and let that dog owner know – adrenaline pumping through me – morning! – I knew I was right.

Because staying in alignment is where it is at – no matter what.

Staying in alignment – the zone in which you are your best self – requires that you give up being right way more often than you might feel like. This will especially feel true if this is a new practice for you. But give up being right and being right will matter less.

Here is a 3-question test to help you understand why being right is rarely right. Answer each question before going to the next:

1) Would rather be right or wrong?
2) Would you rather be happy or unhappy?
3) Would you rather be right or would you rather be happy?

That’s the choice we always have to make in any given moment: be right or be happy. And the thing with being right is so often you can’t be that and happy. I know someone who worked her whole life for justice and since she won “being right” she remains nothing more than miserable most days.

I have personally put being right first over being happy for years. This has cost me people, preferred outcomes, inspiration, opportunities, much time, and more happiness – to start with.

Deepak Chopra says, “Give up being right. Instead radiate peace, harmony, love and laughter from your heart.”

I love that man, but easier said than done when all hell breaks loose, dogs snarling, poo flying, why am I wearing a top hat?

Here are some actionable steps you can take when you feel the need to be right command you, and this is a mind muscle you can build fast:

1) Ask yourself the above: Would you rather be right or wrong? Happy or unhappy? Right or happy? >Tweet this!

2) If that doesn’t work – because the trigger is major, like, oh, your beloved dog’s safety – ask yourself: Can I just fly solo in knowing I’m right?  Most of the time I’m good just quietly feeling confident about how I feel, without rilling up innocent people to back me up by telling colleagues, friends, social media what crappy thing just happened.

3) If everyone must know you are right about something, pick your battles. I would still do the winter raging at my neighbours scene all over again if I had to – but make it worth it because there is nothing pretty about screaming in public.

Last Thursday morning I didn’t need to go past 1). I struck the perfect balance in the hot moment of knowing what I believed was right, and then letting it go (focusing on what turned out to be one my my favourite Pick My Brain sessions ever).

I forgot all about the incident until the inspiration arrived today to share one of the biggest keys to happy with you.

That’s choosing happy first for you. It serves us all, every time. >Tweet this!

Then you radiate good things from your heart (Deepak).

I know I’m  not alone. The need to be right lives in all of us. So now I’d like to hear from you. Have you ever gone out of your way to be right and regretted it? What happened? What are you right about now that you could let go of? How do you manage your need to be right? Important: share your ideas and thoughts directly in the comments, please. As much as I love getting your feedback in private notes and messages, there are way too many people who deserve to know your wisdom besides just me!

PS: Know anyone who just always has to be right? Share this post with them – they’ll thank you later when they are feeling happier than they’ve been in a long time. Make sure to sign up here for email-only #ThoughtRevolution bonus opportunities.

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